Magic 8-Bible

an old crazy coot?

a mystical book of truth?

shake it and find out

My grandmother once told me that any question you had in life could be answered by the bible. At first I took this as metaphoric, knowing that people find hope and answers to life's many philosophical questions about faith and all-the-such. Her statement was fine enough for other people, and since I didn't really have those deep thoughts at the time, never really effected me.

Then, out of the blue, she told me mysteriously of how the bible works in ways we could never hope to figure out, and that if we really have a problem or question in our life, then we could just turn to the bible for answers. Fed up with her mysticism, I asked her to explain further. She did. Apparently you can flip randomly through a bible and find an appropriate answer to your question.

I find this fucking absurd.

NOTE, I do believe that the bible IS important and provides great stories and guidance for the faith-hungry part of us all, but to use it as a Magic 8-Ball in times of personal confusion? Ridiculous.

Here I would like to try it out, give it a true test of it's ability to answer my every question. I challenge you to do the same, it might just be fun. I will ask a random question and flip randomly through the bible and provide you with a random biblical answer. Please post YOUR finding :D

Question: I have a hard time waking up early to go work out. Please help me, oh bible, to find a way to work out more!

Ok... Moment of Truth...

Answer: AGAINST Moab thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel; Woe unto Nebo! for it is spoiled: Kirithaim is confounded and taken: Misgab is confounded and dismayed. - Jeremiah 48:1

Sorry, Grandma. I don't think it works like this. Unless by Moab the bible means obesity, and by Nebo the bible means laziness. Maybe Kirithaim means Gatoraid, and Misgab is more like my PT Coordinator...

Either I'm missing grandma's point or the metaphors are just too deep.

Post yours! :D