F'd Up

repeating parrot

mimics the sounds around him

re-vulgarity

Tara: Why do you have a Memorial Day gig for a retirement home on Thursday? Memorial Day was last week.

Me: They're senior citizens and don't know the difference.

Tara: Are you serious?! Shut the fuck up!

Gavin: Fuck up! Fuck up! Fuck up!

Things that make me look bad #1

Me: *Buuuuuuurp*

Wife (walking into burp): EEEUCK! Why does your burp smell like shit?!

Me (with a pause for thought): Oh... I farted and burped at the same time, sorry.

Wife: JESUS!! FUCK!