Sunday, September 30, 2007

F is for Fork

a lost little bug
wild eyes of a hungry boy
tight grip on the fork

Yesterday, Gavin was running about the house with one of his little plastic forks in his fist. At first I didn't think very much of it, but out of the corner of my eye he seemed to be chasing something and it caught my attention. I got up to see what he was so intent about, with all the growling and grunting. I looked down and saw a tiny little black bug scurrying across the floor, GROSS!

With fork-in-fist, high above his head, he was grabbing at it with his left. As I finally reached him, I attempted to get the bug. At this point many things happened at once. The bug had disappeared, I turned over the toy it had crawled under to find nothing but carpet, and most disturbing:

Gavin says, "Uhmmm" while smacking his lips, fork still gripped in his tight little fist. You have to know that he can't say his Ys yet, and if he could, I would have heard, "YUMMM" instead.

All I can do is hope by some miracle of insect self-defense evolution little black bugs somehow gained the ability to teleport once held in the grip of a chubby little hand belonging to a hungry little one-year-old.

Sunday, September 16, 2007


vivid dreams of man
never controlled with reason

I've recently committed myself to learning how to control my own dreams. This decision has recently become a priority in my life following two dreams that have made me question both the things I watch or eat before bed, as well as if there may be "something wrong upstairs" :D

The first is comedic and would have been disturbing if it wasn't for the fact that the subject is my closest friend (besides my wife of course), a true family friend. Also, since I am well grounded in my own heterosexuality, the dream only caused a minor disturbance. It seems that this friend attempted to "groom" his "under hair" and did so in a particularly pink triangular shape. I am not exploring the meaning of the dream, only that I need to be able to stop things like this. The friend went on to ask my wife and I if he did a good job, for which I replied that I thought it was a bit crooked, and not at all straight.

The second dream was not comedic, but rather dark and disturbing. I am unsure if it could potentially be a healthy realization within my subconscious, or just a whim created by stress and tension. It took place in the times of high-school when I still lived with my parents. I'm not sure if my wife was present in the dream, but she must have had at least partial involvement. My father and I had gotten into a heated argument, which wasn't normal when I was growing up. The only tension I have ever truly experienced with my parents involves the relationship between my wife and I during high school and throughout my life. Recently I have come to a pivotal point with the relationship between my father and I where he has lost his infallibility and exalted position in my life, and has now been reduced to avoidance and an indeterminate period suspended communication. (By the way, it's entirely his fault - he doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut or how to treat people with respect, especially the people I love the most) Anyway...

We get into this fight, which heats up dramatically... I mean DRAMATICALLY. We started to fight, barehanded, matrix-style. I can't really describe to you how vicious this battle was, or how incredibly disturbing it was, only to say it resembled a very vivid piece of cinematography. At one point my father grabbed me by the torso and threw me into the ceiling, yes the ceiling. The wind knocked out of me, I slowly stood and made a point to flex my might. I started to hit him repeatedly, but he inexplicably stopped fighting and just stood there. I kept hitting him, blood everywhere, as he just stood, not fighting. Yes, disturbing. It was at this point that I somehow woke up, or at least refused to remember the rest upon waking.

Both of these dreams happened within a day of each other and has caused me to find some way of learning control. I have never been comfortable with the time wasted sleeping, and especially of the inability to control my own thoughts during this state of unconscious awareness. It is an extremely important goal of mine to learn the art of dream control, giving me the ability to stop what I don't like from happening as well as creating dreams of my own design.

Unfortunately, the first step of dream control is dream recall, remembering as many dreams as possible from the night before. I hope for my sake that I have seen the worst my imagination can throw at me.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


a crappy feeling
school's tonight / that really sucks
want to go to sleep

I'm getting sick. There it is, past the point of no return. I always tell myself that I have a fighting chance until I publicly announce "I am getting sick". I don't know if it's just the admission of weakness, or some sort of self-realizing manifestation of verbalized pessimism, but I'm tired of fighting and want nothing more than to lie in bed with a giant water-filled red thingy and a thermometer (yes yes, covers to chin). Having said what I wanted, this is what I got:

A night of cruddy homework, which lead to a small fit of restless sleep. *Bzzzz* 6AM - Groggy stumbles (due to a single dose of cold medicine from the night before) out of my bed to comfort the little boy I rudely woke up with my alarm, setting him up nicely with an eggo, orange juice (the whole brood has the SIK), and Blue's Clues while suffering from a mild case of "forgot-first-thing-to-do-in-the-morning-so-just-might-piss-myself".

Blah,Blah... something about starch, creases, shiny boots, and breakfast, then BAM! I'm pretty much late for work.

I don't really know what happens at work, as it seems that somebody has conveniently erased my memory everyday between the hours of 830 and 330ish. I don't know why, but I can never remember a thing about work.

After what must have been a long draining day, I got to work out. That was super great :/

Sweaty, tired, and generally feeling bad, I come home for about 20 minutes, take a shower and find myself sitting in my lecture class at the university. The next thing I remember is some slides about muscle tissue and feeling REALLY snoozy. I looked down at my notes and see all these lines through 'em from where I fell asleep and slid my pen across the paper. I'm probably going to have to study that chapter on my own :(

Well there you go, a day-in-the-life-of. I know you're jealous.

I'm going to bed. ;)